Listen as I Count Heartbeats
by The Miffed Writer
Summary: The Doctor can hear them, of course, can hear what she says to Rory, because the TARDIS wants him to hear, wants him to do something. He listens. He bows his head. He is lost.


**Trigger Warnings- there is abuse in this fic, domestic violence and unhealthy relationships.**

 **I actually like Amy, but I found this prompt on the kink meme and it's been in my head ever since.**

 **I don't own Doctor Who, or the characters.**

 **Also, mentioned in this fic is the unrealistic ideas about female on male abuse- it's abuse nonetheless, even if it's marriage. It doesn't make the male any less of a man, and if you believe otherwise, frankly, fuck you.**

 **Enjoy!**

Sometimes Rory thinks that the Doctor might know. He's not sure, and he doesn't ask- he doesn't even know why; it's just that some mornings he'll look at Rory in such a soft, pitying way, or maybe questioning him- _"why are you still with her?"_ \- or brush his fingers over Rory's. He'll watch Amy carefully, in a way that makes Rory nervous, but Amy seems oblivious to; she'll still chatter on, asking about the planet, or the time period, or the space ship (wherever they happen to be). The Doctor will smile back at her, and the moment will be over. They are rare moments; rare and fleeting, but they stand out in Rory's mind because they are the only thing that seem real anymore.

He's not sure how he'd respond if the Doctor were to ask him, though.

It's a question he hates to think about, because Rory doesn't lie. He's honest, and if the Doctor were to come out and actually ASK him- "does Amy abuse you?"- he's not sure that he could answer "no".

The very thought makes him feel ashamed, though- ashamed of the thought and sick to his very stomach. But it also makes him happy, in a way- the very small part of him that does not believe Amy revels in the thought that someone cares about him other than her. And an even smaller, miniscule part of him feels sad and broken at the situation he's found himself in- the relationship, that he's found himself in.

One thing he's sure of, though, is that **if** the Doctor knows, well, only the TARDIS would have told him. He knows that because only the TARDIS knows about the secret bruises and the gashes that her nails (perfectly manicured and sharp as cat's claws) leave on his cheek, and all the other injuries she gives him- injuries that disappear by morning (first, on Earth, with makeup, later with futuristic salves that begin to appear in his bathroom- he takes to thanking the living machine as he does this, and has the sneaking suspicion that she appreciates it, if the gentle hum he hears when he says so is any indication).

While these thoughts are bad enough on their own, they aren't the worst that he gets.

Amy is everything he's ever wanted; she's clever, brilliant even, she's beautiful, and she can be capable of great kindness and gentleness; even his Dad thought that she was bloody brilliant. Rory loves her, loves her to the moon and back- but Rory isn't enough for Amy, he never has been, never will be.

It is a universal truth that Amy is too good for him.

He knows this. Leadworth knew it. Amy certainly knows it.

She reminds him of it all the time.

That is the reason why he'll let her use him- he doesn't want sex on some nights, not really, but Amy doesn't care. She'll tie him down- with surprising strength, really, and make him.

He can only imagine how that might have sounded in a court of law.

"I could have married Jeff, or Alec," she'll whisper in the night, eyes glinting dangerously, "or any of the boys back home. 2 weeks as a kissogram, Rory, and I was the most requested girl." He knows this- she'd bragged about it to him, told him about how most of the girls made extra money with extra features. "Even got the Doctor chasing my skirt." Rory closes his eyes, wincing as she tightens the tie around his neck; his arms ache, twisted as they are where she'd tied him to the bed. "Imagine, a Time Lord, crazy about your wife, wrapped around my finger."

Dots flicker across his vision- dots and sparks-Amy tightens the tie again. He can't breathe.

He hears himself think, "you're wrong", just before he loses consciousness.

The Doctor doesn't tie himself to anything- he just slows down enough to let people run with him, or just a bit behind; if they're lucky, he'll hold onto them before they get lost.

But he'll let go before he gets lost himself.

* * *

She isn't always like this.

Amy can be the kindest woman on the face of the earth, and Rory lives for those moments.

She'll smile at him on those days, and he feels like the world is only spinning for his benefit.

But those days are becoming few and far between.

* * *

Sometimes the Doctor wonders how different things might have been if he'd crash landed in the Williams' backyard so long ago. If little Rory had been the one he first shared fish fingers and custard with. Sweet, hy, self-sacrificing, overlooked Rory Williams. Mistreated, abused, manipulated.

Alarm bells (in his head, they sounded just like the TARDIS' cloister bells, as a matter of fact) had rung that first day they'd met.

 _("I'm her boyfriend."_

 _"Sort of."_

 _"...Amy..."_

 _He'd looked helpless, but unsurprised_ )

Rory with his kicked puppy look, shy smile, and the fierceness of a Silurian Warrior beneath the sheepskin that he was so fond of.

He can hear them at night, of course. The TARDIS thinks that he should know all about what Amy is like behind closed doors- The Doctor can hear the venom and the lies that Amy makes sound so pretty, listens to her break Rory apart piece by piece.

He hears it when Rory cries sometimes, when Amy's found the right nerve or when Rory's too tired, too confused and broken and weary to fight her lies, not knowing whether to believe her or not.

"Your mother was right to leave, so pathetic! Your own father would rather his daughter-in-law to his own son!" And then she'll hit him.

The Doctor can hear the sting of skin on skin, and Rory's soft cry, hastily cut off as he bites his lip.

The Doctor will sit in the console room and listen to the sounds of Amy's abuse, ugly and mean, seeing it in his mind- sometimes reaching out with his own mind to touch Amy's, or Rory's- only briefly, though.

Amy is a cruel lover. She doesn't care about her husband on nights like this. She just takes her own pleasure, forcing it from Rory until she's satisfied. Sometimes she'll take care of Rory's needs. Usually, though, she won't. She'll leave him tied down, or up, insult him one last time, humiliate and laugh at him.

It was the Doctor's idea to supply Rory with options to take care of himself- the TARDIS only carried it out (though he wonders if she'd led him to that idea, showing him what Amy did, what Rory struggled through, day by day.).

After they've finished, the Doctor contemplates what he might do differently, given a chance with Rory, if Amy weren't there.

 _-For starters, he'd never tie the boy up- he'd love to have those hands dancing up his back, gripping his shoulders, tugging at his hair-_

The Doctor undoes his bow tie, tugs up his trousers and begins to stroke himself, losing himself to the fantasy that he weaves.

 _-He'd worship Rory, spend hours, days if he had to, learning his body. What would make him blush, giggle and moan? He'd write sonnets about that lean body, slender and imperfect, but that was fine (perfect Gallifrey, and look what happened there). Rory was perfect in his imperfections. He'd map every freckle, blemish and scar._

 _He'd spend the nights after his close calls clinging to Rory, so close to losing him. He'd let Rory explore him in return, take his own time._

 _He imagines those lips, soft but eager, ghosting over his body. Kitten licks at his chest, his belly._

 _They'd stay up late, after all, what was time to a Time Lord or his companion?- The Doctor would tell him things, would tell him the stories of his people, before everything went wrong. He imagines feeding him Riverfruits, bananas, fishsticks even, his body a cushion for Rory._

 _He would be Rory's everything- he would be his shield, his armor, his sword...he was already the Oncoming Storm, what was one more title to add to the others?_

 _Sometimes the Doctor will dream of the peck he'd given Rory, wishing that he'd made it longer._

 _He thinks of falling asleep to 5 heartbeats, not four, of counting them as he drifts off._

He finds his release at that, coming with a soft groan into his hand, his eyes closed.

There is a moment of brief respite, of peace, of dreams.

His pleasure is short-lived- Amy climbs off of Rory (he can hear the bed squeak) and heads into the bathroom, shooting a casual "disgusting" over her shoulder.

He pretends not to hear, not to feel his hearts break when Rory says quietly "I love you."

* * *

 _The Doctor can hear them, of course, can hear what she says to Rory, because the TARDIS wants him to hear, wants him to do something._

 _He listens._

 _He bows his head._

 _He is lost._

* * *

 _Rory dreams that night of a lover with musician's fingers and voice speaking words he cannot understand, can barely hear, into his ears. He dreams of unrivaled pleasure, of eyes as intense as the hurricane that at once bored into him and made him feel safe and warm and naked and exposed. He dreams of love._

 _He dreams of music._

 _Of fingers tracing his back, a hand touching his cock, healing him and baptizing him, making him born anew._

 _He dreams of four heartbeats._

 _Five, counting his own._

 _He does not remember the dream, only it's remnants- he wakes up crying, feeling cut adrift and far away, a memory of the warmth after walking into the snow._

* * *

For now, the Doctor send Rory a vision of all that could be- all that will be, if he has anything to say about it, and contents himself with the knowledge that he can give Rory this much for now.

As he cleans himself up, the Doctor considers his options.

He is the Doctor- he chose that name for a reason; never to hurt or to harm, never cowardly...

As much as he'd love to, he cannot just boot Amy from the TARDIS. Rory would just follow her.

He cannot kill her. Rory would never forgive him.

It's awfully easy, though, to have an accident, when you go on adventures in space and time. Just one wrong move, one bad piece of advice, and it would all be over.


End file.
